Hush, hush.

So, as time would have it, I am considered a full fledge adult. What this means has me curious, as to what defines an adult. Understanding that responsiblities and choices become, for the most part solely yours. Well, until you marry or share them with someone else. I revel in the fact that as an adult "I DO WHAT I WANT", which is really not that far from how I was raised. My fathers motto was "kids are like plants....just make sure they get enough sunlight and water, watch them grow." This independence lead me to be extremely vocal and loud about my emotional needs and vulerability.

I have always treasured to be out in the world, amongst all types of people, different places. It feels refreshing, fluid but forceful. At times maybe to forceful and I retreat. This is when my adulthood feels questionable and reminds me of being a child. I escape to a world under my sheets, where somehow this thin coating is just enough to make me invisible and protected, when I have had enough. I grab for hand to hold, reaching for that much larger warm, secure hand to lead through the current that got to strong for just me.

I feel once you reach a certain age, old age, that it becomes socially acceptable to admit vulernablity again. The body is visibly weaker, slower and in a sense forgiving because of the capability of hurt. It is a testament that the insides, heart doesn't ever change, just the outward changes.

As an adult my body is strong and I like that sense of fierceness, however I still crave to be complimented with unlimited access to gentleness.